Charisma

What is charisma? What exactly does it mean to you? I’m sure we all know at least one person that has this wonderfully desirable quality but it is not easy to define exactly what it is. The dictionary defines it as ….”the power to inspire devotion and enthusiasm……a special quality or power…”.

Its characteristics are expansiveness, energy, joy and creativity which enable the charismatic person to relate to themselves and those around them in a special way. Leslie Kenton says that at its core it is very simple and at the same time extraordinarily complex. She says that it comes from living every day in the expression of your own individuality – the spirit which is unique to you.

Fully expressed individuality has health and vitality at its core. A spirit of energy and aliveness are present to aid self expression. People with charisma nurture and develop their unique values. In order to do this they have to absolutely know who and what they are. This is the first hurdle at which most of us fall, having lost our identity somewhere along the way, under the piles of responsibilities that we often find ourselves buried under – and coaching can help you discover the essence of who you truly are by asking questions and compelling you to explore the values that underpin your life and to discover ways to incorporate these values into your life.

But charisma is not about self. It is about others and the way you use the totality of your being to serve and

 nurture life. People with charisma radiate love and interest in others. They have a smile that lights up

 their entire being when they greet you, making you feel as if you are the most important person in the world.

Their genuine interest in others is compelling, which makes you feel drawn to them.

Judy Garland is quoted as saying,

“Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of  somebody else.”

She was quite right, but there are enormous pressures these days to forget this wisdom. We are programmed by the world to be several other people – to look like one celebrity, dress like another, entertain like someone else ….the list could go on and on and it is the same for both sexes.

People with charisma have remembered the art of being authentic. They seem to have discovered their

essence, they celebrate their individuality and allow and encourage others to do the same. Most of us have,

at some time, not only tried to change ourselves to become the person we feel society would think of as

more acceptable but also tried to change others to become more acceptable to us. I am ashamed to say

that I have been guilty of both over the years but once you become aware of this tendency it is possible to

 become more accepting of yourself and others.

Nowhere is this seeking to be someone else more evident than in the fashion scene. People try to wear

clothes that are obviously unflattering just because they are the fashion of the moment. Most of us have

photos to show we were victims of this mentality, I know I have. I keep them to remind myself that I look

better in clothes that reflect my personality and my shape. I can still follow trends without sacrificing ‘me’,

 by choosing my clothes wisely and accessorising carefully.
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People with charisma have style and attitude, their personality is reflected in what they wear and yet

they still appear timelessly stylish. Their clothes ‘fit’ who they are. As Leah Feldon-Mitchell once wrote,

“Style is the intersection of what you wear with who you are”.

As you search for your authenticity you will uncover your signature look. It may be sharp tailoring, a flattering

 hairstyle that you show to advantage with fabulous earrings or a fantastic collection of hats that you wear

with panache. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it reflects your true personality and makes you feel great.

Once you are comfortable in your own skin you will begin to radiate confidence and develop that sought after

charisma.

Accessories are an important way to express your individuality and update your signature look for each

seasonal trend without compromising your values and I am sure that most people with charisma wear

accessories that are important to them in expressing their style. But I suspect that their accessories aren’t

what we notice and certainly aren’t what makes them so special to us. The most essential fashion

accessories come from within – a generous heart, spontaneous smile and eyes that sparkle with delight and

light up a room. These are part of the signature look of all who have charisma.

People with charisma are happy in their bodies. They know that ideas of beauty change and don’t wait for

 the world to celebrate their shape, they already know that they are just perfect as they are right now. They

focus on what’s great and accentuate it, and ignore the rest. That way they have the confidence to not

worry about themselves and how others see them. This leaves them free to joyfully focus on others and

celebrate their uniqueness.

So I am on a quest to develop my personal charisma. I will adopt the William Morris principle of only allowing

to my life (as clothes, furnishings, accessories or nutrition) those things which I “know to be useful or

believe to be beautiful”.

I will ask myself the following questions:

·        What are my true values? How are they currently expressed in my life and (more importantly) where

are they not currently being expressed in my life?

·        What colours and styles do I like? Why do I like them? Do they like me? Do I have clothes and

accessories that reflect the real me in my wardrobe? Those that don’t will have to go  - it is better to

have a few items that make you feel wonderful than spend each day feeling less than you know you can

in clothes that do not enhance your personality or your shape. Be ruthless – and don’t save your

‘best’ for special events that never happen. You deserve to feel fabulous every day!

·        When buying new clothes I will be very certain to buy only those items that express the true me and

not a look that is great on someone else. If I am in any doubt then I will take it as a no and walk away – I

have the power to say no to buying clothes if I am not absolutely certain they are right.

·        How would my home look if it truly reflected my personality and style? What sort of home would I

love to live in and feel comfortable in? What colours and styles do I want? How can I inject some of that

 style into my current home?

·        Am I healthy enough to have access to all my energies from physical stamina to play to emotional

 and mental capacities to live my life to the full? How can I eat, exercise and relax to ensure that I create

and maintain high levels of aliveness?

·        What self-imposed limitations am I allowing myself to live with? What new possibilities could I open

 myself up to that would enhance my sense of  joy and wellbeing?

·        What would my life be like if it was perfect? How would I be with other people if my life was perfect?

It may seem as if this is all very vain and self-centred. But think about this – if every aspect of your life, from

the clothes you wear, the fragrance you use, the home you live in (even if you only have one room to call

your own at the moment) and the thoughts you have truly reflect your inner essence then you can relate to

others and to the world from a position of happiness and confidence that allows you to focus on what you

can do for others. You actually won’t need to focus on yourself.

Each person is unique and the charisma which celebrates that uniqueness can not only lift you to new levels

of energy, joy and accomplishment, it can also enrich the lives of all who know you as you give them

permission to become themselves too.

copyright C 2012 - Sue Courtney, Success & Image Ltd. All rights reserved.