Be A Class Act by Sue Courtney

Be A Class Act
And inspire others to follow your example

“In every society, there are “human benchmarks” – certain individuals whose behaviour becomes a model for everyone else – shining examples that others admire and emulate. We call these individuals “class acts”.”

Dan Sullivan – cofounder and president of The Strategic Coach Inc.

If you have written down your goals and you are actively taking steps to achieve them then you are already in the top 3% of the population. You know how to dress for your shape and you are taking steps to organise your life and improve it. Why not take the next step and become an inspirational “class act”?

Do you know someone who is dignified in all circumstances and just oozes style and grace? That could be you. We can all strive to become that icon, the person people look to as an example of impeccable integrity. Dan Sullivan has identified several characteristics to guide the rest of us as we move into our greatness,

• Establish your own code of high standards that you live by. They will be more exacting and demanding than the standards of those around you and you consciously choose to live by them in your everyday life.
• Be dignified and graceful under pressure. Have the confidence to maintain your standards at all times and inspire others. When life seems to fall apart around you  and you need to rise to the occasion, do it with style. That means no blame. Hold your head up and accept responsibility.
• Inspire others. Become a role model for others to emulate.
• Be compassionate and courteous at all times.
• Increase the quality of experiences for yourself and others. Consciously seek to enrich the experience of life for yourself and others by becoming aware of the potential joy and beauty in all situations.
• Show courtesy, respect, appreciation, gratitude and generosity of spirit at all times.
• Take 100% responsibility for your actions. Be honest about failures but realise that they are opportunities for learning and development. Welcome them.
• Give an ‘extra mile’ level of friendship and service to all – including yourself. Cultivate the habit of giving at least one genuine compliment each day to someone you interact with during the day (it could be a member of your family, a friend, colleague or a stranger ) – include yourself in this too!. You will feel good for giving the compliment and the recipient will feel good too.
• Better than a compliment is an acknowledgement. Compliments are wonderful and are usually about what the person has or does. An acknowledgement is more about who the person is. So instead of saying , “That was a great meal”, you could say “That was a wonderful meal – it tasted delicious and your attention to detail meant it looked superb too”.
• Express your uniqueness and, in so doing, give others the freedom to express theirs too. Also, be proud of the characteristics that make you unique – the world needs your special gifts and talents. Rejoice in being different and having the confidence to do things your way.
• Be an energy creator not an energy drainer. Think positive thoughts and encourage others to be the best they can.
• You have heard of the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This is good advice, but there is a Platinum Rule which all class acts seek to use – do unto others as they want to be done unto! How much better to have taken the trouble to work out how a person would like to be treated. What an honour to know you are that important!

If you choose to live by a higher set of standards, others will respond positively to you because you seek to bring out the best in them. As you expand your own sense of possibilities you enable others to see expanded possibilities in their own lives. You expect to behave with integrity and responsibility towards others and yourself. You also expect others to treat you this way.

It is perfectly possible to reinvent yourself as a class act by doing fewer things to a higher standard. Raise the quality of your attitude – to yourself, your surroundings and others – and watch your life move forward. As I have mentioned before – treat yourself as you would an honoured friend and treat everyone else like that too.

Begin by treating yourself with respect and esteem at all times. Dress well, eat well and aim to conduct yourself with refinement and style. Expect the best of yourself and for yourself.

TOP TIP: go to www.freepersonalrebrandingbook.co.uk and claim your FREE copy of my book "The Ultimate Guide to Personal Rebranding for Professional Females Climbing the Corporate Ladder" - it is full of tips to achieve this.

Treat everyone around you with love, dignity and respect. In this way you show them how to raise their standards. It is also a fact that if you treat yourself with care and others with care, they will treat you with care too. Expect this to be the case on all occasions. Even when you are treated with less than hoped for respect and courtesy, a class act will always maintain their dignity and treat others well.

Class acts command a certain level of respect because they have established high standards of personal behaviour towards others as well as themselves.

So - What do you think?
I would love to read your comments.

Copyright - Sue Courtney, Success & Image Ltd. All rights reserved.

Charisma

What is charisma? What exactly does it mean to you? I’m sure we all know at least one person that has this wonderfully desirable quality but it is not easy to define exactly what it is. The dictionary defines it as ….”the power to inspire devotion and enthusiasm……a special quality or power…”.

Its characteristics are expansiveness, energy, joy and creativity which enable the charismatic person to relate to themselves and those around them in a special way. Leslie Kenton says that at its core it is very simple and at the same time extraordinarily complex. She says that it comes from living every day in the expression of your own individuality – the spirit which is unique to you.

Fully expressed individuality has health and vitality at its core. A spirit of energy and aliveness are present to aid self expression. People with charisma nurture and develop their unique values. In order to do this they have to absolutely know who and what they are. This is the first hurdle at which most of us fall, having lost our identity somewhere along the way, under the piles of responsibilities that we often find ourselves buried under – and coaching can help you discover the essence of who you truly are by asking questions and compelling you to explore the values that underpin your life and to discover ways to incorporate these values into your life.

But charisma is not about self. It is about others and the way you use the totality of your being to serve and

 nurture life. People with charisma radiate love and interest in others. They have a smile that lights up

 their entire being when they greet you, making you feel as if you are the most important person in the world.

Their genuine interest in others is compelling, which makes you feel drawn to them.

Judy Garland is quoted as saying,

“Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of  somebody else.”

She was quite right, but there are enormous pressures these days to forget this wisdom. We are programmed by the world to be several other people – to look like one celebrity, dress like another, entertain like someone else ….the list could go on and on and it is the same for both sexes.

People with charisma have remembered the art of being authentic. They seem to have discovered their

essence, they celebrate their individuality and allow and encourage others to do the same. Most of us have,

at some time, not only tried to change ourselves to become the person we feel society would think of as

more acceptable but also tried to change others to become more acceptable to us. I am ashamed to say

that I have been guilty of both over the years but once you become aware of this tendency it is possible to

 become more accepting of yourself and others.

Nowhere is this seeking to be someone else more evident than in the fashion scene. People try to wear

clothes that are obviously unflattering just because they are the fashion of the moment. Most of us have

photos to show we were victims of this mentality, I know I have. I keep them to remind myself that I look

better in clothes that reflect my personality and my shape. I can still follow trends without sacrificing ‘me’,

 by choosing my clothes wisely and accessorising carefully.
To get top advice please go to www.freepersonalrebrandingbook.co.uk and claim your FREE copy of my book "The Ultimate Guide to Personal Rebranding for Professional Females Climbing the Corporate Ladder"

People with charisma have style and attitude, their personality is reflected in what they wear and yet

they still appear timelessly stylish. Their clothes ‘fit’ who they are. As Leah Feldon-Mitchell once wrote,

“Style is the intersection of what you wear with who you are”.

As you search for your authenticity you will uncover your signature look. It may be sharp tailoring, a flattering

 hairstyle that you show to advantage with fabulous earrings or a fantastic collection of hats that you wear

with panache. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it reflects your true personality and makes you feel great.

Once you are comfortable in your own skin you will begin to radiate confidence and develop that sought after

charisma.

Accessories are an important way to express your individuality and update your signature look for each

seasonal trend without compromising your values and I am sure that most people with charisma wear

accessories that are important to them in expressing their style. But I suspect that their accessories aren’t

what we notice and certainly aren’t what makes them so special to us. The most essential fashion

accessories come from within – a generous heart, spontaneous smile and eyes that sparkle with delight and

light up a room. These are part of the signature look of all who have charisma.

People with charisma are happy in their bodies. They know that ideas of beauty change and don’t wait for

 the world to celebrate their shape, they already know that they are just perfect as they are right now. They

focus on what’s great and accentuate it, and ignore the rest. That way they have the confidence to not

worry about themselves and how others see them. This leaves them free to joyfully focus on others and

celebrate their uniqueness.

So I am on a quest to develop my personal charisma. I will adopt the William Morris principle of only allowing

to my life (as clothes, furnishings, accessories or nutrition) those things which I “know to be useful or

believe to be beautiful”.

I will ask myself the following questions:

·        What are my true values? How are they currently expressed in my life and (more importantly) where

are they not currently being expressed in my life?

·        What colours and styles do I like? Why do I like them? Do they like me? Do I have clothes and

accessories that reflect the real me in my wardrobe? Those that don’t will have to go  - it is better to

have a few items that make you feel wonderful than spend each day feeling less than you know you can

in clothes that do not enhance your personality or your shape. Be ruthless – and don’t save your

‘best’ for special events that never happen. You deserve to feel fabulous every day!

·        When buying new clothes I will be very certain to buy only those items that express the true me and

not a look that is great on someone else. If I am in any doubt then I will take it as a no and walk away – I

have the power to say no to buying clothes if I am not absolutely certain they are right.

·        How would my home look if it truly reflected my personality and style? What sort of home would I

love to live in and feel comfortable in? What colours and styles do I want? How can I inject some of that

 style into my current home?

·        Am I healthy enough to have access to all my energies from physical stamina to play to emotional

 and mental capacities to live my life to the full? How can I eat, exercise and relax to ensure that I create

and maintain high levels of aliveness?

·        What self-imposed limitations am I allowing myself to live with? What new possibilities could I open

 myself up to that would enhance my sense of  joy and wellbeing?

·        What would my life be like if it was perfect? How would I be with other people if my life was perfect?

It may seem as if this is all very vain and self-centred. But think about this – if every aspect of your life, from

the clothes you wear, the fragrance you use, the home you live in (even if you only have one room to call

your own at the moment) and the thoughts you have truly reflect your inner essence then you can relate to

others and to the world from a position of happiness and confidence that allows you to focus on what you

can do for others. You actually won’t need to focus on yourself.

Each person is unique and the charisma which celebrates that uniqueness can not only lift you to new levels

of energy, joy and accomplishment, it can also enrich the lives of all who know you as you give them

permission to become themselves too.

copyright C 2012 - Sue Courtney, Success & Image Ltd. All rights reserved.

DO A WARDROBE DE-TOX

And get clarity and flow back into your life

Now you know what to wear to look your best you need to attack the wardrobe – not for nothing does Nicky Hambleton-Jones call it a Wardrobe Warrior session. Be ruthless and really analyse your clothes. If they don’t fit the rules and don’t make you look and feel great they either have to be altered or binned.

Do you love your clothes or just wear them?

William Morris once said that he allowed in his house only items that he either knew to be useful or believed to be beautiful.

This applies to clothes too. If it doesn’t fit, you haven’t worn it for a year or it makes your energy plummet every time you see it in your wardrobe, I’m sorry, but it has to go. The new, stylish you can’t emerge if you are still wearing that old coat or top, just because it cost a lot, your mother-in-law knitted it or it has some other way of making you feel guilty. Guilt is not attractive – give it away to someone who will truly appreciate it and move on. I have regular culls of my clothes, at least three times a year. I rarely regret throwing something out for more than a few hours!

But before you throw out everything, be creative. Would the jacket you wear with the suit look better with different trousers? Could a belt, bag or scarf transform a tired outfit and bring it back to trendy life? As Duke Ellington said,

   “It don’t mean a thing if it aint got that swing…”

So be playful when putting your clothes together in different ways, have fun. A complete wardrobe re-vamp with a professional can take about three to five hours. On your own it won’t be any quicker and is a lot less fun. Try setting aside an hour each evening to make it more manageable. Once you have decided what to throw out, go do it. Get it out of the house and out of your life before you are tempted to sneak something back. A stylist will often take the bag of discarded clothes with her to ensure the can be no backsliding! While you are doing this remember to throw out all the wire hangers – every single one.

Your clothes should reflect you – your authentic style. If you aren’t sure what that is any more then look in magazines and cut out pictures of clothes you like. Analyse what it is that you like about them. Are there any celebrities whose style you admire? Collect pictures of them and see if you can adapt what they wear to your shape. Make a seasonal style board to set your subconscious mind looking for opportunities to find similar items within your budget. As you buy a piece or change your mind, simply stick another picture over it.

Finally, once you have weeded out the unflattering items in your collection take a close look at the remaining items.

How well do you care for your clothes?

Can you go to your wardrobe every morning and pick out anything and guarantee that it is clean, ironed, in good repair and ready to wear?

How do you arrange your clothes in your wardrobe? (I can hear some asking – arrange? No I shove things in anywhere.) It is important that when you open your wardrobe you are inspired, it makes it so much easier to pick an outfit, so arrange them by colour, group them into skirts, tops etc, or any way you choose that works for you.

You may not have as many clothes now, but you know that you look great in every outfit and feel inspired every time you open your wardrobe and see the rail of neatly arranged, clean tidy clothes ready to be worn. Liberating isn’t it?

If you would like to have a proper Wardrobe Detox carried out by an expert then contact Sue Courtney at sue@successandimagecoach.co.uk for details.

Alternatively go to www.successandimagecoach.co.uk
For your FREE copy of my book "The Ultimate Guide to Personal Rebranding for Professional Females Climbing the Corporate Ladder" go to www.freepersonalrebrandingbook.co.uk - it really is FREE and is going out to 16 countries worldwide!

Copyright © 2012, Sue Courtney – Success & Image Ltd. All rights reserved.

Dress for Your Shape

to look timelessly elegant and stylish

Now, I am going to ask you to do something that some of you may find a bit uncomfortable. It is absolutely necessary and you can certainly shut the door and have privacy. Look in the mirror – full length – in just your underwear. Really look. I want you to realistically assess your shape. Which fruit do you most resemble : apple, pear, rhubarb or strawberry? Or are you an hourglass? You need to know, so if you are confused by the fruit imagery, let me explain.

• If you are an apple shape you will have a voluptuous chest, round tummy, little or no clearly defined waist, quite a flat bum, chunky arms and wonderfully slim legs.
• If you are a pear you have a small bust, slim arms, slim waist, flat tummy, curvaceous hips and heavy legs.
• If you are a rhubarb shape you have a boyish, straight up and down body, small boobs, no clearly defined waist, slim hips, wonderfully long slim legs and a long body.
• If you are a strawberry you have a wide back and broad shoulders, large boobs, a flat bottom, slim legs and carry weight around your tummy.
• If you are an hourglass you are curvaceous, with a full bust, small waist rounded hips and generous thighs. You may also have heavy legs.

As you can see, there is no perfect shape. If you are like me you would probably like to have aspects of each. I would certainly like long, slim legs, but I am an hourglass and mine are short and heavy so I resort to trickery to make them appear longer and slimmer by the clothes and shoes I wear.

In my Wardrobe Detox sessions (email me at sue@successandimagecoach.co.uk for details) I  assess your shape (or shape combinations) and I advise accordingly. The advice is priceless!

Now you know what shape you are you can begin to dress to enhance it, as all shapes have their plus points.We are led to believe that the ‘ideal’ shape, if such exists, is a figure of 8. Few of us can match up to that, at least without a life of struggle and denial of treats, and what sort of life would that be? Not one I want, but happily there is another way. First, I beseech you PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE go and get yourself fitted professionally for a bra (mostly for female readers!). I would never have believed the difference it could make if I hadn’t experienced it for myself. The majority of women in this country are wearing the wrong sized bra and wearing the right size can alter your shape instantly.

Whilst training as a stylist I experienced this first hand - the week before I had tried on a blouse but didn't buy it because it didn't fit. A week later, wearing the right bra it fitted beautifully.

Then you need to know a few tricks for dressing for your shape. There are lots more in my FREE book "The Ultimate Guide to Personal Rebranding for Professional Females Climbing the Corporate Ladder" and you can get yours at www.freepersonalrebrandingbook.co.uk . But here are some to be going on with.

• Apples should opt for V-neck and wrap tops to break up your torso and accentuate your cleavage (if you’re lucky enough to have it, flaunt it!) Tailored jackets that nip in at the waist will also give shape – but ensure that all your tops fall just below the beltline. Wear wide leg trousers to balance your frame or pencil skirts to show off your legs. Cover chunky arms with three-quarter sleeves and wear bracelets to draw attention to slim wrists. Under no circumstances wear polo neck or high round neck tops.
• If you are a pear shape then you want to focus attention on your upper body with frills, wide lapels, jewellery, scarves and any other interesting detail. Puff sleeves will balance out your body by giving the illusion of width at the top. Wide, slash neck tops will have the same effect. A-line skirts will skim over hips and tailored jackets and skirts with structure will be more flattering. Wearing dark, plain colours on your lower half and patterns on your top half will draw attention to your slim upper body. Get fitted for a push-up bra to add volume and balance out your hips. Boots will help disguise chunky legs and skirts should cover knees and the top of your boots. High heels will lengthen your leg, especially if you steer clear of high fronts and ankle straps. Don’t wear short skirts or bias cut skirts which will cling to all the places you would like to hide.
• If you are a rhubarb you can wear polo necks and bulkier, more textured knits. Choosing tailored jackets and coats will give the illusion of shapely curves. Wear sleeveless tops to show off your enviably slim arms. Vest tops and cut-away sleeved tops with high necks are also a good choice, which the larger busted among us really should not attempt. (I speak from experience). You can also wear short skirts to show off your long legs and tight, structures clothes to create curves. Use colours and layers to break up your longer body and create interest. Avoid baggy clothes and gypsy skirts as they will look out of proportion and draw attention to your lack of curves.
• Strawberries are top heavy so should opt for deep V-necks and wrap tops and dresses. It can be difficult to find dresses when your bust is bigger than your hips, so the softly draping wrap dress is ideal. Again, go for tailored jackets and coats and tailored shirts, ensuring that the buttons don’t bulge over your cleavage. Emphasise your slim legs by wearing fitted skirts and belt hipster belts off centre to attract attention away from your bust. Choose elegant, high heels to showcase shapely ankles. The right bra will make a huge difference to the way clothes fit. Don’t button coats or jackets up to the neck – this will make your top look even bigger. Avoid polo necks and high neck tops, bold patterns and bulky knits.
• If you are an hourglass then wear v-neck or sweetheart necklines to flatter your bust and draw attention away from heavy arms. Again, choose fitted clothes to flatter your shape. High heels will elongate your legs and lift your bottom. Always emphasise your waist – it is an asset. Wearing long boots with skirt can help disguise heavy legs and create a leaner shape. Avoid empire line or dropped waist tops and dresses as they will make you appear top or bottom heavy and a bit shapeless.

 As you can see, all shapes have their flaws and their strong features. All you have to do is figure out how to minimise the flaws and maximise the features and you have the perfect shape. I have to wonder, at this point, why designers and manufacturers make shapeless, baggy clothes when they seem to flatter nobody. Fitted clothes are more flattering, though I must admit to having spent many years wafting around in baggy, shapeless tents whilst trying to avoid mirrors!

So, if you need help, my FREE book "The Ultimate Guide to Personal Rebranding for Professional Females Climbing the Corporate Ladder" gives expert tips and advice. Just go to www.freepersonalrebrandingbook.co.uk to download your FREE copy - NOW! You know you deserve it.

St Valentine's Day

St.Valentine’s Day by Sue Courtney

In early December I had the bizarre but fun experience of doing the styling for a Valentine’s Day photoshoot. It felt odd to be working on Valentine’s Day before I had bought all my Christmas presents, but that is how magazines have to work. I was charged with the task of styling two women, both of whom worked for the magazine. One was a married, mother of two boys who had very little time to devote to herself. The other was a twenty-something single girl with lots of free time for a great social life. I styled them for very different celebrations – one at home, the other at a fancy hotel. They both had hair and makeup done and fab new outfits to wear – if only for the photoshoot! They looked wonderful.

It made me think. Every year St Valentine’s Day is reserved for a special celebration that should be full of joy and love. For some it is, but it is a day dreaded by many. It is a day when we celebrate love. The problem is that it has come to hold joy only for those in a romantic, loving relationship – it can seem like the worst day of the year for those who are alone for whatever reason, but it doesn’t have to be like this.

If you are fortunate enough to be in a loving relationship then take the opportunity to celebrate – make the day special in some way. Make the effort to dress up and spend time with the one you love. Have a special meal (it is perfectly possible to make beans on toast special if you dress the table imaginatively and serve it with love and, possibly a bottle of bubbly) and make time to celebrate your love for each other. Better still, make a decision to have one special day, or evening each week or month, where you make that special effort to honour each other for the love and joy you bring to each other, or – and here is a radical idea – treat your loved one this way every day, not just once a year!

If you should happen to find yourself alone on this day you still have much to celebrate. You could get together with friends in a similar position and enjoy a meal, company and a few laughs. The love and friendship of friends is often more enduring than romantic love and deserves to be honoured and nurtured.

Alternatively, you could be your own valentine and honour the wonderful person you are. Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat a dear friend. Take time out to truly appreciate all your great qualities, skills and talents. Most of us will cook a special meal for a friend, dress up for a loved one and speak kind, encouraging words to others. Sadly we often do the opposite for ourselves – making do with any old scraps left in the cupboard for a lone meal, slobbing about in any old clothes when we think nobody will notice and berating ourselves at every opportunity for our perceived failings. If you don’t love yourself, you may feel that you are undesirable by anyone else.

Develop the habit of treating yourself with the same respect and esteem that you reserve for others. Dress well, eat well and lavish the same love, dignity and respect on yourself as you do on others – every day. Most people are surprised when they take time to listen to the words they use about themselves to themselves and others. As a nation we are very good at putting ourselves down, and this is not good for our self esteem. Just for one day, make a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself. Include the things you say you should do that you don’t (ie. “You don’t exercise enough”). By the end of an hour you will probably be horrified. Be honest, you wouldn’t treat anyone else like that –demeaning them, constantly putting them down and finding fault with every single little thing they do – so why would you do it to yourself, when you are the most important person in your life?
Do yourself a huge favour and go to www.freepersonalrebrandingbook.co.uk to claim your FREE copy of my book "The Ultimate Guide to Personal Rebranding for Professional Females Climbing the Corporate Ladder" - it is full of wonderful advice.

In her book “Love Colours” Pamala Oslie gives good advice for those who want to change their life, move forward and create a fulfilling relationship. First, be authentic – be the very best version of you that you can be, not a second rate imitation of someone else, however much you may admire them.  Trust yourself – believe in your capabilities. You have the ability to handle everything life brings you. If you don’t believe me, consider the fact that you have come this far and handled it all, so it seems reasonable to assume you can handle anything else that comes your way. All experience is good and as they say, “that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”.

Become what you love. Develop in yourself the qualities you look for in other people. It rarely works to look for qualities in another that you don’t possess as if the other person can, in some way complete you. You have to be complete in yourself. Follow your intuition and be open and trust love. If you have been hurt this is difficult, but know that losing love doesn’t mean the end of happiness forever.

Face your fears. Identifying and facing up to aspects of relationships that frighten you will enable you to decide how valid they are and assess the effect they are having on your happiness. Redefine yourself in your own mind. It is possible that your definition of yourself is limiting you and the opportunities you take. If you think you are weak, lonely, inadequate or uninteresting, think again. List all the good aspects of your personality and let go of the rest. You have the ability to choose your thoughts and change your limiting beliefs. A coach can be helpful in an exploration of the origins and relevance of limiting beliefs and the effect these beliefs have on your life. A coach will then support you in developing an action plan and hold you accountable for achieving the results you want.

Finally, know what you truly desire. What sort of relationship do you really want? What qualities would the other person possess? Consider all the options and compare them to the choices you have made so far – where could you make new choices that might make you happier and take you closer to the life and relationship you desire?

I once read about a person who decided that she wanted to meet a particular kind of man, so she joined groups where she thought she would meet a man with the qualities she wished for in a partner. She did, indeed, meet the man of her dreams and they married. So consider where your perfect partner might be found and consider joining new groups. At the very least you will increase your circle of friends and have fun, which is great – and you might just meet your perfect partner.

So, whatever situation you find yourself in on St.Valentine’s Day, you have cause to celebrate.  So, make it a good one, and commit to bringing more love and joy into your life in the coming year.

Sue Courtney is an Executive Style Coach. If you would like to find out how coaching can help you close the gap between where your life is and where you would like it to be please contact Sue via her website at www.successandimagecoach.co.uk

I can also highly recommend George Pirinitzi, a relationship coach. Find him at www.attractyouridealpartner.com